Adley's Birth Story
This story isn't unique or special. This story is one that women before me, throughout HERstory have shared. This story is my personal reclaiming of my body, my faith and trust and the reclaiming of my birth; my children.
It's similar (in a way) to completing a long distance race, or climbing to the top of a mountain summit.
Many others have accomplished this same feat, but it doesn't take away from how proud you are in that moment of your accomplishment. How exhilarating it feels having pushed past your limits, pain, exhaustion, mind over matter, arriving at the end, the relief, the joy, the tears, the final collapse after completing the journey.
After our second loss in the fall of 2021, I prayed that if God willing, we'd conceive again. When the positive sign appeared I prayed that this pregnancy and birth would be used to Glorify His name. To show how perfectly created we are and to trust in Him and ourselves. These prayers were answered, and I knew with the platform I had been given that I could use it to help other women reclaim their strength, powers and body. To reclaim birth and motherhood.
The pictures of Adley's birth are raw, vulnerable and real, nothing fancy, photoshopped or edited.
Adley's labour and birth was not one I was physically and mentally prepared for, despite all the work I had done over the past couple years. I imagined an intense, but pain free birth, with laughter, music, and deep concentration. However, this was not the case. It was not graceful, joyful or fun, it was messy, hard and incredibly painful.
But I think that's also the beauty of it. Nothing can really prepare you for your first home birth experience and you're given the experience you need. I'm thankful to have had wise women in my corner to guide me through it. Reminding me women were made for this.
It was healing in so many ways and I feel everything I had experienced was leading me to this moment. Did I actually trust my body? Did I trust the process? Did I trust all the wise women that have gone before me, that would guide me through it? Everything I once believed, that I had unlearned over the years, I got to fully experience first hand. All those I hurt along the way because of my indoctrination. I felt redeemed. I surrendered it all to God, and at first I was angry that it was so hard and painful, thinking He abandoned me, I then realized He was always with me and gave me the strength to keep going. I would now know how much we were able to endure and still make it through the other side, perfect, whole and stronger for it. There's nothing I would change. I'll be sharing this story in segments in hopes it will inspire others to know how fearfully and wonderfully made we truly are and the beauty of what it is to be a woman. Not a birthing person. But a woman.
So Adley's birth story….from how I remember it and perceived it. Parts are definitely a blur.
Ist two phases as described by Rachel Reed:
Preparation: pregnancy and cultivating self-trust for birth
Separation: early labour and releasing the external world
Her due date was March 16th. We didn't have any ultrasounds or tests leading up to her birth and were anxiously awaiting who we were going to meet. I really did think she was going to come close to or past the estimated due date. However, baby girl had other plans and knew what would be best for all of us.
It was March 10th. I had just taught my final two classes at my boys homeschool co-op. I had hoped I'd make it to that last day. I attended a meeting late afternoon and March break for my husband officially started.
Baby girl must have felt that sense of relief and that "ok anytime now is good," feeling, because it was that evening I started noticing some changes.
After the boys had gone to bed I laid on the couch with an aching back, assuming from the big day on my feet. Chris was heading out for a poker game and I just wanted to rest.
Sometime after 930pm I decided to have a bath as I started to have some chills and my back was getting worse. I noticed some pink discharge. My cervix was effacing and prep work was happening. I messaged @billieharrigan around 10pm to let her know of new changes and sensations, to give a warning in case I had to message her in the night.
I crawled into bed thinking I should probably attempt to get some sleep while I still could. This never happened though as I was becoming more aware of my body, excited and nervous that we would be meeting our baby soon. The body shakes also persistent.
Not able to sleep I messaged my friend @christina around 1215 am. I started timing contractions out of curiosity and noticed they were every 4 min. I was laying in bed, able to breathe through them and listen to music. I messaged Chris to start making his way home (good timing as he just lost out of the poker game lol).
Christina was a huge support as I didn't know what to expect or how fast things could change or even how slow they could go on for. We texted until almost 1 am. Chris had gotten home around 1230 am and the boys woke up just after 1 am, with the usual routine of going into our bed. We told them the baby was coming and they weren't able to go into our bed at that moment, so Chris laid back down with them in their bed.
I took this as a good opportunity to have another hot bath. Around 315am I messaged both Billie and Christina. Things had really started to intensify, all back pain. Both were on their way.
I woke Chris up, and naturally asked him to help me clean the back room (I wasn't expecting company and the boys had left all their toys everywhere). This wad the room I thought we'd be spending the most time in, and I wanted it to feel calm.
By 345am I was needing Chris to apply counter pressure on my lower back. Contractions were every 3min now. I made it back into bed when Christina arrived just before 4am.
This part is rather a blur and not sure of timelines. I remember heading to the bathroom, trying the toilet (facing the back of it), then hovering over the tub. Billie arrived probably around 430 am. I was in a lot of pain at this time. She had brought a birthing stool, tried that, a few other positions, using the Island to lean on. Really I just needed Chris to keep applying counter pressure. I wasn't prepared for the pain I felt without breaks as I realized in the thick of it I was experiencing full on back labour, even though baby was perfectly positioned. There was no rest in between, just varying intensity of pain. It was awful. I would have periods of crying, hitting the tub, just really unsure how to cope with the increasing pain. Also the shakes, I wasn't prepared for the full body shakes due to hormone changes. Billie had some homoeopathy to help with the back labour, that I took at intervals. As well as Purdy Natural Shiver Me Timbers and lobelia rubbed liberally on my lower back.
A hot shower was suggested, so I got in (it's amazing how all modesty is gone at this point lol). The shower was terrible. The heat felt nice but once a contraction came I needed Chris for pressure and it was too awkward in the shower. I managed to crawl out and absolutely fatigued I landed just outside the bathroom on our kitchen floor. Entering the next phase.
Liminality: labour, betwixt and between, and transition (Rachel Reed)
I was not prepared for the full on back labour that I was experiencing, nor did I learn about in any of my readings.
After crawling out of the shower and bathroom and landing on the kitchen floor, I would stay, covered in towels, on my side, in this spot for the next 2-3 hours. I believe here I entered into the liminality phase; transition, where women tend to go to another place. It was here I quieted, the house quieted. Silence while I worked in my own space. I focused on the sensations, the pain and the changes. I would visualize myself opening and baby coming lower, telling her we were all ready to meet her. I kept these images during every rush/wave/contraction. I would vocalize to Chris pressure, where to press, how much and then to just massage in between. That man never got a break and was incredibly attentive and supportive to my every need. He was very much a part of the process and I couldn't have endured it without him. Such a different experience bonding over birth, that deserves its own post.
I found it amazing that in between for 90seconds or less I slept. Even though the pain stayed, the endorphins allowed me to dream in between the real intense painful moments. I stayed here, in this space, holding onto a chair leg to squeeze, sometimes to bang when things were really unbearable. I was also surprised at the moans that escaped my mouth during the more intense moments. A lot of work happened during this time, that I didn't fully recognize until reflecting after.
I was worried that laying on the floor might be slowing things down and I wasn't sure what to do. I felt pressure in my bum and several times thought maybe I had to pooh. I managed to stand up, back to the bathroom, toilet, tub, birth stool. It was at this moment I looked at Billie, tears in my eyes and I said I don't know how much longer I can do this, (on later reflection this would be the catecholamine surge). Hospital was never an option for many reasons, but for starters it was the floor I was terminated from, I wouldn't be returning. Billie looked at me with the most sympathetic, validating eyes and as she held my hands and looked right into my eyes, she told me how much it sucked, how hard it was and painful, but just like all the other women before me, I too was strong and capable. I also remember a moment half joking half serious saying to Billie "I thought you said this was going to be fun and joyful!?" Her response "we're having fun, we're joyful!" Leave it to Billie for a smart-ass remark - I love her so much!
Both Christina and Billie were so calm and confident throughout the entire labour. Staying silent when I was focused, offering words of encouragement and strength when they knew I needed it and a simple touch to let me know they were there and I was ok. They would remind me I was strong, when I doubted myself they would tell me I'm doing everything I needed to, I was listening to my body and any position I went into was perfect, and they reminded me I was safe and so was baby.
Their voices were everything I needed in those moments. There's a reason why wise women come together and why it's been vilified for centuries. The power that comes when women connect is undeniable.
I also would repeat out loud during an intense rush, the words spoken to me, "I am strong, this is temporary, it will pass".
Billie knew I needed to eat and drink something, but I wasn't interested. She got me to at least dip my finger into salt a couple times and to sip on some water. I then managed to make it into my bed to try some different positions. Billie didn't tell me this until a few days after, but in the bathroom she had observed my purple line (a line from anus up towards your back that tells you how far dilated you are), mine was apparently only showing 4-5cm, so Billie thought the different positions would help move things along.
This next phase happened really fast.
Emergence: birthing the baby and witnessing body wisdom
Should note what my boys were doing while labour progressed through the night. Around 5 am the boys did wake up, they stepped over me on the kitchen floor and made it to our room, apparently not phased by their mama lying on the floor lol. Once the sun was up they stepped over me again to get their clothes for the day (they love getting dressed immediately) and headed back to our room to watch some shows. My mom arrived just before 8am as I was starting to make my way to the bed and the boys were asked to move into another room. They didn't seem phased by any of it lol. Liam at one point asked about some blood he saw, but wasn't upset, just curious. Logan also told me I was loud and making weird sounds.
Once I made it into bed, we tried this position at the side of the bed where one leg was straight and the other came down towards the floor. I began to gag like I was going to vomit. I was spitting up blood into a bucket, probably from dehydration, but it was weird to see. Everytime I gagged I'd feel a lot of pressure below. This position wasn't working for me, so once the gagging stopped I needed to try something else. Chris was still applying counter pressure to my back and hips. Good man.
We tried another position where I dropped my shoulders to the bed and had my bum up in the air. It was to relieve some of the pressure on my back. Again, all modesty is gone at this point. This is as raw as it gets.
Once in this new position, shoulders down, bum up, I felt a contraction and had to get on all fours for counter pressure. It was at this time where I felt pressure below and realized there was a head there! En Caul (still in sac)! Billie went to get gloves, Christina and my mom came into the room.and baby girl was born with one push at 856 am. It all happened so incredibly fast and I think surprised us all. Because of the intense back labour and pain, I couldn't tell where babe was, until well, she was here! Birthed on my knees on the bed, she landed softly with me trying to guide her to the mattress, where the sack burst and she immediately began to cry. What a glorious sound!
She laid between my knees as I took a moment to recoup and gather myself. I knew it was going to be a girl when I went into labour the night before, I had this feeling we were going to meet baby girl and here she was! I was overcome with relief, awe, love, joy, everything. Tears streamed down my face as I looked at her and said "we did it baby girl! We did it!" It was an absolutely incredible feeling to have endured all that pain, to have it disappear instantly, as we welcomed our daughter into our lives. We were gifted with silence as I gathered myself, looked at her and touched her. There were no hands rushing to dry her, pick her up or interfere, we were allowed our moment to process what had just happened.
It was such a blessing! In that moment everything that I endured was worth it! I had never felt or experienced anything like that. The sense of accomplishment, achievement, strength and just awe of what we are capable of as women. It's absolutely incredible! I can honestly say that was by far the hardest thing I have ever done, and I did it! This is the oxytocin dump, the biggest release of hormones we'll ever experience that takes credit for the euphoric emotions. The most amazing feeling! I know my husband, having been witness to and a part of it can also attest to this. I couldn't have done it without him constantly working my back, he was very much a part of the process, something he didn't get with our other two hospital births. What an amazing experience to go through together, at home, supported by wise women, in an environment filled with love, calm and gratitude. There's nothing like it. As I look back I'm still in awe of how quickly all the pain, fatigue, exhaustion goes away! Instantly energized, uplifted, in love and ecstatic. Ready to eat, drink and be nourished as you bathe in cuddles, adoration and reflect on the journey you had just taken together.
Last phase as described by Rachel Reed:
Integration: birthing the placenta and mother-baby enchantment
Once I picked Adley up in my arms, still attached to the placenta, I got tucked into bed with her. Liam heard the cries and came to meet his baby sister. So happy my boys were home and a home birth was normalized for them. Hoping they will be able to support their future partners the same way their father supported me.
I was able to birth the placenta easily with a push and no discomfort. Luckily their were no after birth pains or discomfort. The placenta stayed attached to Adley for just over 2 hours, while we cuddled, I had tea, dates, muffins and egg cups, now that my appetite returned. Adley pooped and peed immediately and nursed within the hour. When I felt ready Chris clamped and cut the cord and it was his time for skin to skin while I showered. Yes! Showered in my own bathroom, it felt so good to stand there in the hot water. When I came back the bed was cleaned with fresh sheets ready to climb into. Felt amazing to be in our own bed together, enjoying all the comforts of our home. Billie examined the placenta with me, going over everything, and teaching me what to look for, it was a nice and healthy organ that was grown to nourishing babe. So amazing! I actually saved it for placenta art and to bury in the yard. Adley was weighed, examined and back on my chest. Once all settled in, my mom took the boys for the day/night and Chris and I got tucked in for a nap after being up all night. We slept on and off, reflecting on the experience. I listened to his perspective and commented how amazing it was to be here, all together in our own bed, in a quiet house with no disturbances. After two hospital births, it really was amazing the difference! We both appreciated it so much and thankful that we were blessed with a healthy, perfect babe in our home. We both said we would do it again, even knowing how hard and painful it was, because you know it ends and you can do it! Also that it ends on such a higher! There is no greater feeling!
My hope is, that if someone like me, a former NICU nurse, who once believed home births should be illegal, can reclaim the rite of passage of childbirth, and become a fierce advocate for home births, that more women realize their strength, their power, their sacred blessing and also reclaim their birth. Once we realize how capable our bodies are, our strength, we'll have the confidence to stand in this power, our intuition, our innate wisdom and confidently raise our children trusting in our ability to care and nurture them, without external validation. We are all they need, when we step into the wisdom of wise women. It's not just reclaiming birth, it's reclaiming motherhood, it's reclaiming ourselves as women and how we've been fearfully and wonderfully created. Glorifying His name and perfect design.
